Writing the Message: The Body of Your Email

What happens if your message is too beefy to fit into the subject line? No problem.

Your email already has a well-crafted subject that summarizes the content.

Before writing any content, always consider “brevity.” Think short, punchy, and to the point. In other words, the body of your email needs to be front-loaded.

1. Write your greeting: Dear John
2. Write the first sentence that states the point of your message.
3. Following your initial point, back it up with the necessary support. This is where you convince the reader of the subject’s validity or supply a supporting explanation.
4. State the second most important idea if there is one.
5. End your message with clear instructions. If you require the reader to act, state concisely and clearly exactly what you want done.

Keep It Clean: That Means Less Is More

Nobody likes to open an email and see a big block of text. It’ll take all the recipient’s willpower to refrain from hitting “delete,”… and there goes all your hard effort.

If your text is more than a couple of sentences, use bullet points, hyphens, and space… lots of space. If you can put the information into the body of an email to avoid using an attachment, then do so.

Use an attachment only if it’s absolutely necessary.

Writing the Email

Let’s consider the example below:

From: Sandra Thorpe

To: Staff

Subject: Happy Holidays for 2024

Dear Staff: As you all know, Christmas falls on a Wednesday this year. Like every year, we need some staff in the office at all times to answer the phones and take care of any emergency customer needs. 

Since business tapers off quite dramatically for the last two weeks of the year, most of the staff will be able to enjoy the full holidays, especially since Christmas and New Year’s fall directly in the middle of the week. Last year, some people wanted extra time off before Christmas, and others wanted to be sure they had extra time off at New Year’s. 

Since we need a skeleton staff at all times – and we’d like to accommodate everyone’s wishes as much as possible – please send me the days you would like to have free so I can make up the holiday schedule. I will post this schedule on December 1, so I’ll need everyone’s holiday requests no later than November 23, 2024.

Thanks, Sandra.

Is This a Well-Written Email? Does It Summarize the Subject?

No, and No!

Let’s begin with the subject.

It fails to mention the all-important action item. A busy employee might assume it’s some goodwill holiday message and delete it, or it may just sit in someone’s inbox, unopened, because the subject doesn’t indicate the all-important action item.

The opening and then the body of the text ramble on about last year, how business slows during the holidays, and so on.

By sending a rambling email like this, Sandra will likely need to send a follow-up email by November 20 or so because most of the staff failed to respond.

This is a simple example of the staggering loss of wasted time and effort due to poorly written emails.

Let’s Re-write the Last Email

From: Sandra Thorpe

To: Mary Contrary

Subject: Submit Your Christmas Holiday Requests by November 23!

Dear Mary: I will be making up the Christmas holiday schedule for the last week of November. 

I need your email reply by November 23 if you have any special requests. Since we must always have some staff on duty, some employees will have to work a few hours during the holidays, but hopefully not on the days you wish to have off.

Thanks, Sandra

Is This a Well-Written Email?

Yes. The subject perfectly summarizes the body of the email. 

The first two sentences tell the reader all they need to know. Although this is a staff letter, the sender took the time to use Mary’s name, significantly increasing the likelihood of it being read.

(Using the recipient’s first name may not always be possible, but if it is, use it.)

The body of the email explains, as briefly as possible, that the company will try to accommodate everyone’s wishes, but it cannot guarantee that every need will be met.

It suggests that first-come, first-served may be in play, so there’s a sense of urgency to respond. It also tells the reader to respond by email. Sandra doesn’t want you to stop her in the hall or slide a note under her office door. She wants an email reply by November 23.

Sandra didn’t ramble on about the days on which Christmas falls and so on because if someone is going to request time off, they’ll have to look at a calendar anyway, so there’s no point in going there.

She purposely kept this email short, punchy, and to the point.

It’s All in the Details

Since your goal is to make email an efficient and highly effective way to transfer information, strive to eliminate any ambiguities.

Avoid relative dates. Since you don’t know when your email will be read, and it may be stored for future reference, don’t use terms like “today” and “tomorrow.” If your email isn’t read until tomorrow, it can easily lead to confusion. 

Don’t forget that the recipient may be skimming through dozens of emails and won’t bother to match today’s date with the day you sent your email.

Get in the habit of using absolute dating, and the problem will be solved (Thursday, February 17

Always, Always Tell the Recipient What You Want Him to Do

Be sure that your email informs the recipient about your expectations.

For example, if you sent a request for information and you need to have it by 3:00 p.m. this afternoon, then say so.

If you work with a group of people who exchange many emails, consider getting together to discuss how you like to send and receive them.

Perhaps you’ll all agree NO EMAIL is allowed after 6 p.m. or on weekends unless it’s a dire emergency.

Or you might agree to always end an email with instructions (which you should do anyway).

Another helpful tool is tags at the end of your email.

You may recall how we used EOM (End of Message) in our subject line to indicate the end of the message.

You can use the same concept at the end of the body of your message and in the subject line.

For example, if you send an FYI email to the members of your team or an invitation to a company luncheon to which you don’t need a reply, then end your message with the letters “NNTR,” which means “No Need to Respond,” indicating you don’t need anything further.

On the other hand, suppose you sent the following email.

From: Sandra  Thorpe

To: Mary C, Jason L, John, D

Subject: Minutes and follow-up from this morning’s meeting (Wednesday, April 17, 2024)

Dear Mary, Jason, John,

The attachment contains the minutes and the follow-up duties from this morning’s meeting.

Tasks

• Mary – to set an appointment for next week with Shelley Burbank, VP of sales
• Jason – gather sales data from all four departments for next week’s meeting with Shelly Burbank
• John – put together sales forecasts for the next three months

Please review and confirm your understanding by email before 6 p.m. tomorrow (Thursday, April 18).

Thanks, Sandra

This email is short and instructive.

Everyone knows their individual tasks as well as the need to confirm.